Kill Trail Racing Tips and Etiquette.

SEE THAT, ITS A NUMBER PLATE. GET ONE OR GET OFF THE MOUNTAIN.

NECK BRACE. 500 BUCKS OR A LIFETIME IN A CHAIR. TAKE THE ODDS ON 500 BUCKS.

YOUR GONNA HOLD THE THROTTLE OPEN , AND YOURE GONNA LIKE IT, JUST LIKE HILL.

SHRED THE GNAR – IF THE TRAIL YOU ARE RIDING DOESN’T MAKE YOUR BALLS DROP , YOU SHOULD EVACUATE THE SITUATION. YOU WILL SOON BE OCCUPIED BY YUPPIES AND YOUR BALLS WILL BE SHRINKING INVERTED.

SEND IT. The minute you stop Sending IT. You’re done, you slip down the cracks and become a dismal rider. You start making excuses about how lame you have become. Skill level DEMISE, DONE. you can watch you’re Podium fade away. SEND IT ! SEND IT TO FLAT , GET TO THE PODIUM.

STOKED AMPAGE:

BRING THE AMPAGE TO MANIAC ZONE . LET THE VOLTS RIP FROM YOU’RE BRAIN !!! YOU NEED THIS TO PUT POWER TO THE EARTH. LET THE EARTH KNOW WHO’S ON COURSE.

Wear the biggest Helmet you Can Find : When you Crash and you’re brain is being dragged across Rocks and into Trees . You want to stand up and still know where you are . BIG HELMETS , They weigh a little more but so do you’re BALLS when you SEND IT !!

GET A CHAINGUIDE !! WITHOUT A CHAINGUIDE YOU CANT RIDE, BACK TO THE TETHERBALL COURTS . DONT MATTER WHAT BRAND, YOU WILL FIGURE WHAT YOU LIKE AFTER DESTROYING SEVERAL OF THEM. CHAINGUIDE !! PEDAL LIKE A MANIAC COP CHASING DOWN LOSERS ON THE STREET !!!!

BRAIN POWER – DON’T LET YOU’RE BRAIN GET IN THE WAY OF RACEDAY or YOU WILL MEET THE LOCAL DOCTOR , FAAAAAAAST.

COURSE WALKS , STUDY THE TRACK , PRACTICE THE MOVES. KNOW THE TRACK AND KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO DO ON RACE DAY. NO LAST MINUTE HUCKS OR LINES. STICK TO THE GAME PLAN. FOCUS , BREATH AND KILL THE BRAIN NEEDS AIR . AIR IS THE FIRE OF A DRAGON ! BREATH AND THINK !!!

EYEBALLS -

Think about Eye movement when you drop in. Always keep the eyes down trail, way further then you feel comfortable . Comfort Riding = RIDING LIKE A BITCH. To go fast you gotta scan and scan fast way down trail. Bike follows EYES LIKE LASER GUNS !!!

WEATHER – ? WHO GIVES A SHIT , ITS MOUNTAIN BIKING. EXCEPT LIGHTNING HITTING YOUR BRAIN !!

DONT RIDE WITH QUITTERS/CHEATERS. IF YOU FIND YOURSELF RIDING WITH QUITTERS , WHINERS, AND NEGATIVE ATTITUDES YOU WILL NEVER SEE THE PODIUM. FIND A NEW CREW TO RIDE WITH. YOU ONLY LEARN FROM RACERS. REC RIDERS JUST YAP ABOUT NOTHING.

HESITATION.

SNIPERS DON’T HESITATE. THEY HAVE ONE MOVEMENT . . . ONE SWIFT MOVE. THATS A MUST ON THE TRAIL. NO HESITATION, NOT A BLINK. YOU CANT KILL ANYTHING HESITATING.

ROUGH TRAILS , BREAK BUMPS,BLOWN BERMS.

RIDE THE DAMN TRAIL ,NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PAMPERING. GRIP IT HARD AND SHRED THAT SHIT WILD.

IF YOU CAN GOLDRUP AT SEA OTTER. YOU WON MTN BIKING. YOUVE SLOWED YOURE MIND DOWN TO SEE THE MATRIX.

REMOVE THE PURSE FROM YOUR SPOKES.

ARM PUMP AND HAPPY HANDS. COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR HAPPY HANDS AND WEAK ARMS. TRY WILD BILLS ICELANDIC TRAINING AXE. YOU WILL BEND THE BARS IN HALF BEFORE YOU STOP AND COMPLAIN ON THE SIDE OF THE TRAIL. INGREDIENTS. COUPLE SENSUS GRIPS, WOOD BAT, SLUDGEHAMMER ENDS, VIKING HORN AND RAW MEAT FOR POWER. SWING THE AXE TIL ARM RAGES !

WEAR PADS – YOU DON’T RACE or RIDE WITHOUT PADS. IF YOU DONT, THEN YOUR OBVIOUSLY RIDING LIKE A PANSY DO YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR KNEE BONE ? NO.

STRAVA? FUCK INTERNET RACERS. IVE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH FAKE BULLSHIT. FIGHT EM.

FACEBOOK – NOTHING.

GET OUT OF THE WAY.

GET OUT OF THE WAY OF A RIDER GOING DOWNHILL. THEY ALREADY ENDURED AND CLIMBED TO THE TOP. ITS GO TIME NOW, GET OUT OF THE WAY !! GET OFF THE TRAIL ! ANNHILATION MUST BE SWIFT YUPPIES. THE THROTTLE WILL BE HELD OPEN , ITS YOUR CALL.